47 Ways to Annoy Ophelia

47 Ways to Annoy Ophelia
For those of you who like a torturous, drawn-out death.

1. Cut off her braid.

2. Cut her hair so it's in a bob like Clare's.

3. Remind her about her brother. Constantly.

4. Make her read Hamlet.

5. When she's finished reading, warn her about falling into lakes.

6. Make her see a therapist.

7. Sell her sob story to a magazine.

8. Tell anyone who talks about her that 'she's just a big softie, really'.

9. Put flowers in her hair.

10. Buy her a teddy and act all upset if she destroys it.

11. Or, better yet. Buy her a Priscilla toy and watch her go psycho.

12. In fact, give her highly intricate and incredibly false directions to where Priscilla is and watch her go psycho when she can't find her.

13. Tell her that 'Clare can beat you anyday'.

14. Tell her that 'Raki can beat you anyday.'

15. When she twists her head round, start singing 'You spin me right round, baby...'

16. Dress up as Hilda and start 'haunting' her, wanting revenge.

17. In fact, just cover yourself in blood and 'haunt' her. Chances are that you'll looks like one of her victims.

18. Invite her to go surfing and say it'll prove that she is 'Ophelia of the Waves'.

19. Drop a few hints to the Organization that she's been killing humans.

20. Try to strangle her with her braid.

21. Invite her to a tea party also attended by Irene and Clare.

22. Make many comparisons between her Rippling Sword and the Quicksword. Always say that the Quicksword is better.

23. Glomp her.

24. Tell her to 'go to her happy place'.

25. Encourage her to take up a non-violent theraputic hobby...like knitting.

26. Make her wear frilly dresses that are very impractical for fighting.

27. In fact, make her wear white and force her to wash the bloodstains out herself.

28. Make her do chores for Miria.

29. Confiscate her sword and tell her she can't have it back unless she 'promises to be a good girl'.

30. Make her watch the Teletubbies.

31: Make her watch Barney (no, wait, that's too cruel).

32. Point over her shoulder every five seconds, screaming, "Awakened Being!"

33. Tell her that she's been demoted to Number 47 and Clare's Number 4 now.

34. Make her Awaken.

35. Take her to the zoo and make a big fuss about seeing the rhino enclosure.

36. When there, go on at length about how amazing their 'one horns' are.

37. Whenever she uses the Rippling Sword, always ask fretfully, "Does your arm hurt when you do that?" Even if she tells you it doesn't.

38. When she goes on a mad killing spree, wag your finger at her, cluck your tongue and say, "Now, would your brother have approved of that?"

39. Knit her horribly coloured sweaters and insist she wears them.

40. Decorate them with snakes.

41. Whenever she thinks of a new 'game', hum the Saw theme tune.

42. Or, scoff and say, "Jigsaw could think of something better than that!"

43. Set Irene on her.

44. When she sobs over her brother, put on a swooning act and say, "Oh, you're breaking my heart, dear sadistic one!"

45. Dump a load of red paint over her. Say it's because everyone calls her the 'blood-soaked warrior'.

46. Ask her if she's a Parselmouth.

47. Laugh manically whenever she tries to play a 'game' with you...even if you are in horrible pain.